They didn’t make the magazine’s cut, but my guys deserve some recognition.
By Hannah Wallace
Months ago, we started having preliminary meetings about our March issue’s “Hottest Bachelors” feature. It occurred to me that, hey, I have a lot of male friends, some of whom are single, could they be in the running?
But here are the single guys I see every day, all of them fantastic fun, great at their jobs, neither deadbeats nor millionaires. I couldn’t wield my incredible influence and get them spots in the magazine, but I figured I’d give them a little blog shout-out and let ‘em know I think they’re all catches…in their own special ways. (Even if those special ways are, at times, in direct conflict with the Sarasota Magazine mission statement.)
(Disclaimer: None of these bachelors was consulted in the creation of this blog. Information here does not necessarily represent the opinions of the fellas.)
Little J (This is actually a candid photo and
totally not the Glamour Shot it appears to be.)
Hottest Unicycling Bachelor: Little J (longtime friend and troublemaker)
Hometown: Bradenton, FL
Occupation: Commercial contracting estimator
How he describes himself: “Present in body but not in mind.” (An actual quote…from roll call in eighth grade English.)
How Hannah describes him: Wicked-smart super-slacker
Favorite movies: Magnolia, The Big Lebowski
Ideal first date: Sushi, bowling, a West Wing-a-thon.
What he’s looking for in a woman: A sharp wit hidden under a cool façade.
Why he’d be a good boyfriend: Whatever you’re interested in, he’ll find a way to be interested in it, too. He’s the least judgy person ever.
My take: Smart, funny and a huge fan of children’s educational television, Little J can strike up a conversation with anyone. And during that conversation, chances are, he’ll nonchalantly bust out some physics theories and/or quote a Coen brothers movie.
Hottest Pool Shark Bachelor: Big J (longtime friend and loaner of DVDs)
Hometown: Bradenton, FL
Occupation: Commercial contracting estimator (Little J’s boss)
How he describes himself: Pretty funny, if you like that sort of thing.
How Hannah describes him: Surprisingly sweet and sensitive for a big guy.
Favorite movies: 50 First Dates, The Notebook
Ideal first date: Dinner and a movie, a long walk and conversation.
What he’s looking for in a woman: Sanity, levity.
Why he’d be a good boyfriend: Seriously, that sweetness is genuine.
My take: Total teddy bear.
Hottest Bachelor Who Still Lives With His Parents: Krazy Kevin (hockey teammate)
Hometown: Buffalo, NY
Occupation: Welder, pipe layer, journeyman
How he describes himself: A great father, an Army veteran, a pretty accomplished Rock Band drummer.
How Hannah describes him: A great father, a so-so hockey player, a pretty intense dinner companion.
Favorite movies: Slap Shot, Madagascar
Ideal first date: Ice skating, beers at the River Roo, Rock Band all-nighter.
What he’s looking for in a woman: Party girl with a heart of gold.
Why he’d be a good boyfriend: You’ll never feel like the strangest person in the room.
My take: Something about Kevin’s manic exterior makes it that much sweeter when he sits still, looks you in the eyes and says, “Want another round?”
Hottest Bachelor Who Just Doesn’t Give a Damn: Bartender Mark (from the Flying Dog)
Hometown: Philadelphia, PA
Occupation: Bartender, entertainer
How he describes himself: A scrawny Philly-Irish scrapper.
How Hannah describes him: Wiseass dinner theater.
Favorite movies: Scarface, Rob Roy
Ideal first date: A day on the boat, a home-cooked dinner in front of CNN.
What he’s looking for in a woman: A steel backbone and a sharp tongue.
Why he’d be a good boyfriend: Um, er…let me get back to you on that one.
My take: Mark’s kinda like Kilimanjaro—a huge challenge, sure to exhaust you and probably make you miserable, too, and yet? Strangely tempting.
A crappy picture, yes, but a perfect personality capture, nonetheless.