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Abandon narrative structure; cohesion overboard!


By Hannah Wallace


First off, the MRI results didn’t reveal anything. Mild mild arthritis and softening of the cartilage, but nothing that seemed to be A) the cause of the problem, or B) fixable. I turn now to a brilliant doc who plays hockey with us to see if perhaps there are micro-tears that can be improved with therapy. Still, as much as I hate the idea of settling for perma-injury, I also don’t want to put a lot of effort pursuing something that won’t get better, regardless. I hang my hopes on glucosamine.


Been a busy week leading up to a four-day weekend starting tomorrow—which is a relief, because our lawn hasn’t been mowed in, like, a month, and the grass is so long I think it now houses a family of pythons and at least one ex-mafia bigwig. Similarly, our laundry baskets are wildly overgrown, and things in the kitchen sink are beginning to sprout as well. So I guess I know what I’ll be doing with my day off.


But what I’ll eventually be doing tomorrow is kicking back in some club seats at the Bucs game (thanks again to Goodwill’s silent auction for the kickass tickets). Big J, Little J, CCB and I will be heading up there early to tailgate. Should be good times.


Had a blast at our Charity Register launch party at the Community Foundation Wednesday night. Special shout out to Michael’s On East for the food. (What? MoE involved in a charity event? I had no idea!) Seriously, I think ”bacon-wrapped beef balls with gorgonzola” was originally a poem by Walt Whitman.


Also, I was in line behind Margaret Wise for the valet. The Big Red Wattle Wagon was parked right up front, while her Mercedes was relegated to hide in some distant back lot. I should’ve offered her a ride. “Screw that S-Class, lady, and pack your fanny into a real car. That’s right, V4. No, your eyes aren’t deceiving you: Two cup holders in the center console.”


And the free-food parade marches on. Not only do we have a media event at Outback tonight, but apparently the restaurant across the street, Panini Press (formerly the Bungalow, and Mickey’s before that), has an open house today. Grand opening is set for Sept. 9—good thing, too: It’s such a shame to see empty restaurant space 20 feet from my cubicle for months and months.


And oh! More free food! Check out Lee Roy Selmon’s “Club 63 Pick ‘Em” game—you get free wings and beer just for signing up! And it’s all about picking the winners of college and NFL games, which is surprisingly fun. It’s my two favorite things together at last: free food and…free beer. Heh.


Speaking of football, our fantasy league is ready and raring to go. (This is only my second season of fantasy football, but it turns out it’s a great way to keep track of stats that might otherwise pass you by.) But I’m still drafting for my other league: All-Dickensian Fantasy Football. First picks are no contest: Alge Crumpler and Peerless Price. (Alas, Plaxico Burress has been disqualified for being stupid.) Other suggestions? The Scrooges and Squeers and Nickelbys of the NFL deserve to be honored!