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No time for cohesive narrative; bullet points it is!


By Hannah Wallace



--The Sarasota Elf just came into our office. Next thing I know, I’m doing a little dance in front of a camera. This is indeed a magical time of year.


--Unforeseen mathematical problem: Christmas tree + cat = needles everywhere.


--Less than three weeks left—do you have gifts for those random acquaintances, out-of-town family and/or the people who have everything? If you find the right store, that kind of treasure hunt can actually be fun. Main Street Traders and Artisan on St. Armands are two of my favorites; Write-On Sarasota’s a good one, too. And since I walk by their window every morning. Awesome Orchids on Pineapple is definitely getting some of my money this holiday season. Where else?


--Chrappy Christmas is coming Dec. 19th! An excuse to wear my “Merry Christmas, bitches” shirt and CCB his unintentionally phallic Santa Claus-suit shirt, while we play N*SYNC’s Christmas album and watch The Christmas Shoes and get out all of the holiday stress in one great big tacky evening. Bonus: We again scheduled around Lefty’s holiday break from vet school in St. Kitts, so the hockey family can be together for the holidays. Have yourself a checky little Christmas.


--As for other family reunions, Thing 1, Thing 2 and Captain Slack are coming into town for the usual Wallace festivities—including spaghetti carbonara dinner at our place Christmas Eve and our traditional (as of last year) Christmas dinner at Mattison’s Riverside. Then CCB jets up to his family Huntsville; I get to spend an extra day with the fam down here, ‘cause CCB bought me a plane ticket to join him on the 27th. Aw, such a sweet guy.


--Here’s a cool event: The Community Shoe Box Reception, a Meals on Wheels project hosted by Polo Grill and Bar, this Sunday, Dec. 13. You wrap a shoe box and its lid separately, and fill it with toiletries, puzzles and other little items, to be distributed to Meals on Wheels recipients. Bring your filled boxes (held together with a rubber band) to Polo Grill between 3 and 6 p.m. Sunday and get a free drink for every box you bring. Feel that warm fuzziness in your belly? That’s the Christmas spirit.


…and no, I’m not talking about the booze, dammit.


--Actually, I’m sending my shoeboxes with someone else, as I’ll be in Estero this weekend with the Ms Conduct for a hockey tournament. That’s my kind of white Christmas right there. Hopefully I don’t wind up doing too many snow angels.