Two years ago, while drinking wine and perusing Facebook late at night, Mia* reconnected with a close childhood friend with whom she had lost touch for decades. At the time, Mia was going through a difficult, emotionally trying time in her life, and the rekindled friendship with the man felt thrilling. “I was so excited,” she says.

For three and a half months, the two spoke often on the phone. According to Mia, the man claimed to be an ex-Navy SEAL, told her he loved her and pledged to marry and protect her. But when they met in person with some of Mia’s friends, the friends told her that something didn’t feel right. Mia says that’s when “all hell broke loose.”

According to Mia, the man became physically abusive, but she was able to kick him out. Later, however, he began to bombard Mia and her family “24/7” with threatening social media messages, voicemails and texts. He also tried to enter her condo, keyed her car and began calling the police and asking them to perform wellness checks on her. During one of those visits, a police officer asked Mia, “Have you had enough?”

“Yeah,” Mia answered, “I’ve had enough.” She provided a sworn affidavit and the state pressed charges.

Mia is one of millions of Americans who experience stalking or cyberstalking each year. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, in 2019, the latest year for which comprehensive statistics are available, more than 3.4 million Americans reported being a victim of stalking or cyberstalking, and 71.2 percent of those victims were women. Stalking and cyberstalking often go hand in hand. In addition to following victims or showing up at their workplace or home, stalkers will often frequently send unwanted messages through texts or social media messages, and many even monitor a victim’s phone or computer with tracking devices.

In Florida, cyberstalking is defined as harassing someone over a period of time in a way that causes “substantial emotional distress.” The psychological toll can be intense. During Mia’s ordeal, she slept with her phone in her hand, began drinking
more, lost weight, experienced nervous breakdowns and was  hospitalized. The experience also fractured relationships with some in her family, who blamed her for bringing her stalker into their lives.

According to Shannon Stafford, a staff attorney with Sarasota’s Safe Place and Rape Crisis Center (known as SPARCC), stalking and cyberstalking can be every bit as traumatic as domestic or sexual violence for victims. “They start to feel like they’re losing their mind,” says Stafford. She worked with Mia to file injunctions against her stalker, who was eventually convicted and sentenced to a year in jail and five years of probation.

Today, Mia is slowly rebuilding her life and has begun seeing a therapist. But the struggle has taken a toll. “I don’t think anything will be normal again,” she says.

Stafford says that to succeed in court, it’s important to document the perpetrator’s pattern of conduct and to refrain from responding. “When people are in a relationship and there’s a breakup,” Stafford says, “there can be a lot of back and forth, or then they get back together. It can be very muddy. The cleanest legal case is going to be one where you have clearly ended the relationship and said you do not want any contact at all.” She advises clients to tell a stalker, “I don’t want to hear from you. Please don’t contact me.” If the person continues to harass you, Stafford says, your case will be stronger than if you engage.

Stafford also says that establishing a clear timeline of what happened and when will help law enforcement intervene. Harassing messages sent late at night or when a person is clearly under the influence of drugs or alcohol may bolster your case by demonstrating the ongoing emotional distress the stalker is causing.

Mia raves about the support she received from Stafford and SPARCC, as well as from victim advocates at local law enforcement agencies. Stafford says her message to women being threatened is simple: “You’re not alone anymore. We’ve
got you.”

*This woman’s name has been changed to protect her confidentiality.